The Silent Strain: Emotional Labor and Gender Expectations
On a typical day, we pack lunches that include all the main food groups; we remember so-and-so’s birthday; we listen to the issues going on in our friends’ lives; we smile through work meetings and then come home to make sure the house is in order. We go to bed, rinse, and repeat the next day.
Our current social standards celebrate women for being resilient and capable of juggling multiple responsibilities and roles. The cost associated with handling it all often goes unnoticed and comes with a hefty price tag.
The cost…the silent strain.
What Is the Silent Strain?
The silent strain is an unseen emotional, physical, and mental toll that stems from trying to navigate all of our demands. There are work responsibilities, familial obligations, and social norms that can pull us in different directions simultaneously.
As women, we put on a strong face and tough skin. We don’t cry out for help publicly. Instead, this strain hits us in the quiet hours of the night. It makes its presence known through missed opportunities. It can make you feel like a failure, even on a great day.
Understanding Emotional Labor
Women have fought for and earned the right to be considered equal to male in roles and abilities. We juggle being professionals, partners, caregivers, friends, and members of various communities. Unfortunately, this is often met with inadequate support in one or many of these roles.
Over time, this juggling act can become emotionally exhausting. You may start to experience increased fatigue, emotional numbness, anxiety, depression, or burnout. In some instances, you may notice more physical symptoms like aches, pains, and insomnia.
Gender Expectations for Women
Many strides have been made in current social norms, but as women, we still face certain pressures and expectations. We need to be nurturing and fit that caregiver mold. We’re expected to make certain sacrifices “for the greater good.”
If we want to excel in professional roles, we need to do so while still maintaining the household. Bonus points if we can make it look “perfect” and social media worthy.
There’s also this mentality that women should avoid being too angry or overly frustrated in front of others. That thought process only leads to internalizing stress and emotions.
Invisible Labor
While most women are not searching for a pat on the back or a gold star for their efforts, it’s worth mentioning the amount of work that goes unpaid and unrecognized. This is more prevalent in the home environment, but it can apply elsewhere.
We’re often in charge of influencing the home dynamics. A house isn’t a home; it’s the people that matter. We are more often than not the ones making sure things run smoothly.
We care for children, elderly relatives, and sick partners. On bad days, we’re the emotional support system. It’s a labor of love, but generally an invisible one.
Workplace Inequality
As far as we’ve come towards equality, a gap still exists in the workplace. There are biases, wage gaps, and unequal advancement opportunities. Depending on your circumstances, this can be a contributing factor to stress, mental health, and quality of life.
Breaking the Cycle
Overcoming the silent strain and breaking the cycle involves a bit of effort and attention. Learning how to (and being comfortable with) set boundaries is going to be key. It’s ok to say no and not feel guilty. Relationship counseling can provide invaluable support for this.
Let go of this nagging need to achieve perfection. It’s an unachievable goal that will only cause you unnecessary stress. Instead, reevaluate your priorities and establish realistic goals.
During therapy, we can address areas of your life that are causing strain and establish a plan moving forward. If you’re experiencing silent strain in one or more areas of your own life, consider reaching out.
